Note to My Pregnant Self

Here are some things I wish I had known when I was pregnant and newly not-pregnant. I've learned so much in the last five months that I can't resist unloading advice and information on pregnant friends and relatives, which I suspect is a little tiring. So I'm thinking if I write it here, maybe I won't be so tempted to follow pregnant women around lecturing them.

1) Nap like it's your job.
Ok, I didn't need anyone to tell me this when I was pregnant. I napped on my lunch breaks; I napped after work and then went straight to bed; I napped on weekends while the sun was shining in the window and more able-bodied people were frolicking outside. And I'm glad I did, because the first weeks after Nora was born were demoralizingly exhausting, and it was nice to have the memory of lazy, luxurious, sun-dappled naps to sustain me.

2) Organize whatever you can before the baby comes.
I'm sure there are wonderful toys and adorable outfits we never even used because they weren't someplace I could easily access with a baby in my arms.

3) Read up on baby care before the baby comes.
I educated myself like crazy about pregnancy, but I forgot to read anything about caring for an actual infant. And then when Nora was born, I didn't have time to read anything, so I pretty much winged it.

4) Everything gets better. And I mean much better.
The first month or so of new babyhood is hard on everybody. You're not sleeping (see above), you're not sure what you're doing, your body doesn't feel very good, and you're pumped full of crazy hormones. You spend all day focusing on the baby, who doesn't seem to notice you. You're frantically trying to figure out breastfeeding (see below), and your house is falling to pieces around you because you can' t seem to do any cleaning at all. You're up all hours of the day and night. Well-meaning visitors show up unannounced to your dirty house and your crying baby and interrupt whatever schedule you're trying to establish. This is actually a hazing ritual for new moms. Give it 6 weeks and it'll be a whole 'nother universe. Your baby will start smiling at you, your body and hormones will be slightly more normal, you will have learned how to eke out enough sleep to stay alive. Your house, however, will still be filthy, and it always will be.

5) Breastfeeding is hard!
Anyone who says it doesn't hurt is doing it wrong, in my opinion. It's a bizarre interaction that's natural, sure, but that doesn't mean it comes easily to you or the baby. The message I wish I had gotten five months ago is that it's normal for it to be difficult, and that it can take many weeks and help from a variety of friends and professionals before it all clicks. (If it literally clicks, you're doing it wrong.) It's worth sticking it out, as it were.

5b) Also, not all lactation consultants are very helpful.
The ones at the hospital strongly encouraged me to put Nora on formula almost right away, which I did; looking back on it with a little more education, I wish I had resisted that advice and tried longer before supplementing with formula. The hospital LCs have to balance the greater good and liability for the hospital with your individual need, so they want to make sure your baby gets fed right away, one way or the other. We did eventually get back to breastfeeding, but introducing the bottle so early did make it more difficult. If anybody in Cincinnati is looking for a great and very patient lactation consultant who doesn't get weirded out if you cry in front of her, see Dr. Ridder at Children's Hospital's breastfeeding clinic. She's like a breastfeeding detective. Which generates an odd mental image.

6) Sometimes, babies just cry.
Sometimes, you do everything you can humanly think of to stop your baby from crying, and it just keeps wailing. It's a good lesson in not being able to control everything. Sometimes, the best you can do is to hold her and let her know you'll always be there when she's unhappy. In most cases, that's not a cause-and-effect thing.

7) You're probably doing just fine.
I believe my pediatrician told me this, and it gives me great comfort: There are lots of right ways to take care of a baby, as long as you love it and feed it, and very few ways to really get it wrong. So try to relax and trust yourself.

I'd love to hear from other moms what lessons they have to hold back from inflicting on pregnant women. What do you wish you had known way back when?